This looks like it could be a nice hotel doesn't it?

We had booked into a hotel in Hakone which looked fantastic online and were thrilled at the prospect of a little retreat at one of the most popular weekender spots of Tokyo residents.

When we arrived, they had lost our booking but accommodated us anyway. We were a bit surprised as it was the peak season. That is until we started to explore the hotel.

Imagine if Elstree Studios in Borehamwood, England were not available to film The Shining and instead they decided to set it in Summertime regional Japan with an Australian and Japanese cast.

That's where we were staying.

There were only three other couples staying at the hotel. There were whole corridors that were entirely dark, one of which we traipsed down in an attempt to find the swimming pool. The signs up said the pool closed at 5pm (you'll have your fun at prescribed times, thank you) and when we were unable to locate it, we asked one of the staff where it was. He told us it was closed (it was 4.55pm) and we said, yes we know we can't swim in it but could we see it.

It really was closed. Big time. It was empty and peeling.

The high point was definitely the onsen which was genuinely nice. There were some Americans there complaining that it was too hot though which seemed perverse.

We thought we would go to the bar for a pre-dinner drink but the bar was closed. We managed to persuade the staff member who looked like a perpetually unsmiling Japanese version of Conan O'Brien, to let us have a drink in one of the restaurants (which had one of the three couples in it by 6pm for dinner). We threw down several cocktails to prepare ourselves for our kaiseki dinner, the only food available in the place other than French, for 8,600 Yen.

After eating this somewhat confronting meal which I blurrily photographed, we all agreed that we would not stay an extra night and would go to Tokyo a day early.

When we woke up, it was misty and a little rainy which worked well with the gale force winds.

After receiving a note under our door that informed us the onsen would not be operational as of mid-morning (it may as well have said, "You have made the right decision!"), we checked out and Conan O'Brien-San seemed to smile for the first time.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.